I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
