3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
