i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
