I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We talked him into tasing himself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
