whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
