at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
