WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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