she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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