well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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