...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
