I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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