Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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