What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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