walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
