I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
