All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And then he peed in my hair
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