He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
