I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
