My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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