The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I licked your asshole in confidence.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
