I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
