HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
