You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
