Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
