I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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