How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
