There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
