how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
two words: eviction party
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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