I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
