Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
