I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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