we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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