I wish I only lived at night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ruined the universe
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
