a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
