A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
