I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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