All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
