i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
