and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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