Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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