I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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