Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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