hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
