K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
