the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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