Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
