She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
