trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
