Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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