So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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