I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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